Jennifer Lawrence says she had two miscarriages before welcoming her first child.
The Oscar-winning actor, 32, says she was in her 20s when she got pregnant and planned on having an abortion before she lost the baby.
“I had a miscarriage alone in Montreal,” she told the October issue of Vogue.
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Lawrence was married to husband Cooke Maroney a few years later when she got pregnant again while shooting “Don’t Look Up.” She wanted to have the baby, but suffered another miscarriage, undergoing a dilation and curettage, a procedure in which tissue is removed from the uterus.
The experiences have stuck with Lawrence, especially in the wake of the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade in June.
“I remember a million times thinking about it while I was pregnant,” she said. “Thinking about the things that were happening to my body. And I had a great pregnancy. I had a very fortunate pregnancy. But every single second of my life was different. And it would occur to me sometimes: What if I was forced to do this?”
Lawrence and Maroney eventually welcomed a baby after confirming they were expecting in September 2021. She told Vogue it’s a boy named Cy.
“It’s so scary to talk about motherhood. Only because it’s so different for everybody. If I say, ‘It was amazing from the start,’ some people will think, ‘It wasn’t amazing for me at first,’ and feel bad. Fortunately I have so many girlfriends who were honest. Who were like, ‘It’s scary. You might not connect right away. You might not fall in love right away.’ So I felt so prepared to be forgiving. I remember walking with one of my best friends at, like, nine months, and being like, ‘Everyone keeps saying that I will love my baby more than my cat. But that’s not true. Maybe I’ll love him as much as my cat?’”
Becoming a mother changed her entire perspective, too.
“The morning after I gave birth, I felt like my whole life had started over. Like, ‘Now is day one of my life.’ I just stared. I was just so in love. I also fell in love with all babies everywhere. Newborns are just so amazing. They’re these pink, swollen, fragile little survivors. Now I love all babies. Now I hear a baby crying in a restaurant and I’m like, ‘Awwww, preciousssss.’”
“So many of my films in the past have been about my mother, my childhood. I wonder what will happen now that I’ll be witnessing somebody else’s childhood,” she added. “And I wonder what he’s going to be talking about with his therapist. 'She wouldn’t put me down. She kisses me on the mouth. She asked me not to go to college.'”
For Lawrence, having a child shifted her entire way of seeing the world.
“My heart has stretched to a capacity that I didn’t know about,” she said. “I include my husband in that. And then they’re both just, like, out there — walking around, crossing streets. He’s gonna drive one day. He’s gonna be a stupid teenager and be behind the wheel of a car. And I’m just gonna be like, 'Good night!' You know? Like, who sleeps?”
This story first appeared on TODAY.com. More from TODAY: