In millions of homes around the world, we're having the same fights about money. One partner feels anxious, the other buries their head in the sand to avoid talking about it. One agonizes over the budget, the other spends on whatever they want.

We avoid discussing finances, and in the process, we allow money to drive a wedge between us. But in my new book, "Money for Couples," I offer a 10-step program for building a shared vision around money, even if you and your partner see money completely differently.

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One core component of this involves combing through you and your couple's spending habits. And for 90% of the people I talk to, food — whether eating out or ordering in — is the biggest category where there's money to free up and redirect into something that matters more.

Why does this happen?

There are lots of reasons that restaurant spending seems to slip through our fingers. Food is emotional — buying dinner is about a lot more than just hunger. It's about convenience, impulsivity, reward and more.

Tracking restaurant and takeout spending as a couple can be fairly complicated: One of you might buy lunch at work. The other might have a monthly dinner with friends. You pick up a pizza for the kids and pay with the $20 you have in your coat pocket. You grab something on your way home and don't have the right credit card with you. Maybe you've got bigger kids, and you're Venmo-ing money to them so they can get food with some friends.

It's a mishmash, and it can easily get away from you.

How to change it

For tracking, be vigilant about using the same shared credit card for anything that counts as eating out. That will help. Second, be kind and supportive of each other — changing habits around food can be tricky.

Here are some ways people I've worked with slashed funds on eating or ordering in — and redirected their money:

"During the pandemic we found a butcher that started delivering to homes, and we've continued to place a monthly order. We freeze it, so we always have delicious cuts of meat ready to cook every weeknight. Because we now do weeknights at home, we don't worry about eating out on weekends." -Mary

"I think the hardest part of not eating out is missing out on the vibe. I'm still figuring out how to get the energy of being in a crowded restaurant — that's what I love most about dining out. One of my goals is to start a themed potluck dinner party with friends where everyone brings something — still economically efficient, food is fresher, and you get all the social vibes." -Lauren

"We were eating out at least five to six days a week; the only meal we were making at home was breakfast! Now, we cook every Wednesday and Sunday and we eat leftovers at least one night, which saves us a ton of money. I allocate my part to credit card debt. It's hard after a long day to cook and clean up afterward, but watching that debt go down is rewarding." -Rosana

The goal is to get honest about your invisible spending and overspending. Start by having a candid talk with your partner: What are you spending too much on? Where can you cut back?

The more you have open, honest conversations about these things, the easier it will be to spend meaningfully.

Ramit Sethi is the host of Netflix's "I Will Teach You to Be Rich" and bestselling author of "I Will Teach You to Be Rich." For more than 20 years, he's shared a unique blend of money and psychology with an audience of millions. His new book, "Money for Couples," is out now.

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Excerpted from "Money for Couples by Ramit Sethi," copyright ©2024 by Ramit Sethi.  Used with permission of Workman Publishing Co., Inc., a subsidiary of Hachette Book Group, Inc.